“I love you [despite this pain].”
These were my last words [and inner thoughts] on the verge of giving up.
We do really get stuck with the wrong people sometimes. Beyond the constant agony we experience from the same person, we still have the courage to see their good side. Even though we are being abused, we still manage to sacrifice ourselves not only for their happiness, but also for their ego. And the more we think of giving up, the more we remember the best of times we had with them. Just like what Gaga sang,
“I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away,
But baby, I just need one good one to stay”
Love makes us blind. And in this way it’s not good for us. During my previous relationship, I felt the same way too. I clearly knew that it was not gonna work out in the end, yet I was there, keeping the game played, making false hopes to myself that maybe it was just part of the relationship, and that the problems would be eliminated soon. But (un)fortunately, I lost it. The toxic relationship I traded for a lot of genuine friendships finally ended.
Ultimately leaving her is one big step for the better. Making the move opened me to a lot of opportunities which I deserve more. I went back to traveling, I met a lot of real people, I pursued my passion, and most importantly, my life became limitless.
True love should not be confining. It should support us with our happiness, and be a part itself. We shouldn’t be restricted with it, but instead should empower our motivations, our dreams, our positive emotions. It shall be the one that keeps us moving forward, not the one that ties us with a leash. If it doesn’t fulfill these, it’s not the one that we need. It’s better to stay single than to spend even a split second to people who are not worth the effort.
Sometimes it may be hard to evaluate it ourselves, but the people around us can see the scenes behind our lost hearts. Our judgment may be clouded with our own facts, but the real answers can be found from a different perspective, where the view is clear. If our vision of these sufferings leads us to a hopeless future, we should be brave to take it into conclusion.
Ending a toxic relationship may be sorrowful at first, but it rewards us eternal freedom, a feeling we shall maintain even when the right one comes along.
© jpethoughts, 2019