Whatever

Early July. Alone. Reminiscing. It feels so hard to be drinking while having no one to talk to. I am just listening to music. Mostly songs of the past. High school songs. Why do I drink? I’m not exactly sure, but perhaps because I needed to. I want to take a break. I mean, a pause from everything. I want to feel nothing for a while. Sleep is overrated. I want to be awake and feel nothing. I want to make the time freeze as if nothing is ever existing in my mind, my heart, my thoughts. I want to temporarily forget the present time. I want to feel peace. Apart from the failures, heartbreaks, and worries of the future. I don’t know what am I writing about. I feel empty, I feel unimportant, except for myself. I know I am worth everything, but I feel like no one else cares. Why? Please. I wish I have that one. I want someone. I hope she falls for me. She’s busy. I’m not sure. She’s been my favorite person since the past few months. I can’t live a day without talking to her. She knows my everything. I want her to be part of it too. I know I will be successful in the future. I want her to know that she’s my inspiration. I know she knows. I hope she cares. My interview is due on a week. It will take me to everyone else’s dream job. It is also now mine. I hope I can help myself. I know I can. My mind is instead full of thoughts. What shall I do? I want to calm down. I am strong. I am moving underground. Perhaps moving to the land down under? I hope we can still meet. Until we get older. Until forever.

Unedited.

© jpethoughts, 2019

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