Whatever

Early July. Alone. Reminiscing. It feels so hard to be drinking while having no one to talk to. I am just listening to music. Mostly songs of the past. High school songs. Why do I drink? I’m not exactly sure, but perhaps because I needed to. I want to take a break. I mean, a pause from everything. I want to feel nothing for a while. Sleep is overrated. I want to be awake and feel nothing. I want to make the time freeze as if nothing is ever existing in my mind, my heart, my thoughts. I want to temporarily forget the present time. I want to feel peace. Apart from the failures, heartbreaks, and worries of the future. I don’t know what am I writing about. I feel empty, I feel unimportant, except for myself. I know I am worth everything, but I feel like no one else cares. Why? Please. I wish I have that one. I want someone. I hope she falls for me. She’s busy. I’m not sure. She’s been my favorite person since the past few months. I can’t live a day without talking to her. She knows my everything. I want her to be part of it too. I know I will be successful in the future. I want her to know that she’s my inspiration. I know she knows. I hope she cares. My interview is due on a week. It will take me to everyone else’s dream job. It is also now mine. I hope I can help myself. I know I can. My mind is instead full of thoughts. What shall I do? I want to calm down. I am strong. I am moving underground. Perhaps moving to the land down under? I hope we can still meet. Until we get older. Until forever.

Unedited.

© jpethoughts, 2019

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7 thoughts on “Whatever

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  1. My mind is like a smart TV! Sometimes, it’s too smart. I can never turn it off, even when I sleep! It’s always on. Recently the remote control found me and now I am learning to select the input!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a relateable sentiment. The desire to feel nothing, something I have dealt with over and over, and Im sure will be faced with again. A beautiful piece that echos my own thoughts. But I dont think its right for me or for anybody to try and drown the emotions that your spirit has administered to you under an alcoholic haze. Im no expert though. Great piece Ill return to it later, im sure, because it resonates.

    Liked by 2 people

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